


Until this is memory

by philomel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Double Drabble, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-05
Updated: 2011-11-05
Packaged: 2017-10-25 17:28:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/272904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philomel/pseuds/philomel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A double drabble based on ep. 4.01.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until this is memory

The first thing he touched on Sam was his upraised arm. Pushed him away. Later, pulled him close to feel the give of flesh through a layer of cotton and a layer of receding rage. Closer, to feel the warmth of blood. The ticking of a heartbeat if he pressed tight enough, pressed tight so he could match up his own heartbeat. Pressed tight so he could show Sam: _I'm alive. This is me. You know this._

* * * * * * *

He knows. He remembers past the dirt, past the blood, past the skin that came loose in his fingers, flayed. He remembers past the tears that filtered the last glimpse of Dean into the first hazy moment of grief, swelling into a steady ebb and flow of pain and more pain, knocking him about, tossing him over.

Sam has lived under these layers for months.

* * * * * * *

Dean doesn't know how to reach him. Doesn't know where to start, or if he even should. Easier to reach sunlight through six feet of dirt and a barrier of pine than to reach Sam like this.

He looks at Sam when Sam's not looking back. Sees something missing. Supposes maybe he wasn't the only one who went to Hell. But maybe he was the only one who made it back.

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the poem "Mrs. Lazarus" by Carol Ann Duffy.


End file.
